The Pessimist

I was pleased to read that my city is on the list of most intelligent communities in the world. As I'm just an average joe in this town, and judging by the superlative discourse evident on this website, clearly Waterloo belongs on the list.

We have two Universities -- one frequently voted best university in Canada (yes - the University of Waterloo - my alma mater) -- The Perimiter Institute, The Centre for International Governance Innovation (CIGI), RIM. Oh yes, there are brain cells a burstin' all around here.

Hmmm. Let's see. Who else is in the running. 2 other cities in Canada, 5 in the U.S, 3 in China, 3 in England, one in each of Australia, France, Iceland, Estonia and ... waaahhh!? Afghanistan?

Kabul Afghanistan is on the list of 21 most intelligent cities in the world. We better take a look at the criteria.

What makes Afghanistan such a fine candidate? Could it be its literacy rate?

• Male 51% the 119th highest in the world!
• Female 21% 141st in the world

Of course, those stats are a bit misleading, as there are 8 countries tied for 1st, 5 for 2nd, 5 for 3rd, etc. Afghanistan is actually behind 224 countries on the list, there are only 10 counties with a lower rate. (Three countries have lower female literacy.)

And what are those males reading? The Koran. That'll come in handy in the arts and sciences.

What about critical thinking? The Supreme Court in Kabul determined that
non-Muslims (infidels) have rights only if they convert to Islam; and the Muslims who convert away from Islam (apostacy) must be beheaded, unless they recant. That's fair, don't you think? (Emphasis on "don't think").

What is it that makes Kabul "a model for the development of prosperous local economies and vibrant societies in today's hyper-competitive broaband [sic] economy"? Ah ha, it must be the broadband infrastructure. Yes, here is the explanation from the Intelligent Communities website:

Using funds from development agencies and the US
government, this war-torn capital of Afghanistan has built a
telecom-based foundation for government
by linking ministries with district offices and military bases
throughout the country while expanding mobile service
nationwide from 0.01% to 6% in three years.

Yes! That's it ... a 60,000 per cent increase in cell phone service.
Looks like the warlords and drug lords got themselves some new cell phones. That's progress.